alynnwells: (raven)
[personal profile] alynnwells
I know I've talked about this before, but after a recent conversation and what's been going on behind my eyelids while I'm asleep, I guess I'm going to talk about it again.

Dreams are just dreams. I do not believe in dream interpretation--I'll go as far as admitting it might have relevance for somebody, but not me. With that said, I have dreams that people envy, cringe from, or that just make them look at me like I must be completely mad deep down inside. I tend to dream in science fiction. I'd say I dream in fantasy, too, but my line between fantasy and the real world is not where most people draw it, and in dreams it's even hazier. I've been hiking on mars. I've jumped out of a tower while the seas boiled. I've been partially discorporated and turned into a superhero. I've been an alien computer drone inhabiting a revenant.

I . . . and some of my friends . . . also have what kenilyn and I used to call psycho dreams. They usually come in runs that continue for a period of time, and those of us who are deeply connected tend to have them at the same time. These are the kind of dreams which, without being true dreams, feel significant. They also tend to be violent, psychologically torturous, and often leave me more tired than when I went to sleep. I have been shot, stabbed, and dropped out of a tornado. I have watched people killed violently, and then watched it happen again like someone looped the scene, and been completely unable to interfere. I have watched friends turn into strangers and watched my husband not know me.

True dreams are their own category. Which is funny, because they don't have much in common, except that they're true. Sometimes, they're something that will come true in the future (usually vague enough in specifics to annoy the crap out of me), and sometimes, they're something that is or will be metaphorically true. I have met the Goddess in this type of dream, twice, and the Mother of All Worlds, once. Sometimes, they look a great deal like psychodreams. When they do, blood and plague and darkness define them. I work under the assumption these are true dreams, because all of my jati and most of our nearest and dearest have them.

I don't include my real nightmares under the heading of true dreams. I had one of those last night. Those, for me, are the ones where I get up and walk around the room. When I go to turn the lights on, nothing happens. I don't have to be asleep to have one of these dreams, and when I realize I'm dreaming, I can't necessarily wake up. On those occasions I've looked for the source of the dreams, I have found a malevolence in need of casting out or fighting or such. Oddly, that's not the bit that bothers me most. What bothers me most about these is that I can't swear I haven't actually gotten up out of my body and walked around the room.

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alynnwells

January 2011

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